Just watched Blood Diamond for the first time.  Despite the overwhelming presence of Hollywood throughout the film, that stuff is largely true…De Beers running the diamond world, etc.  But while I may have gotten hot-headed about topics such as that many times in my past life, that’s not where my thoughts were as I lay on the couch afterward. 

I remember discussing with a friend half a decade ago….it seems like much of my imagining of life in Africa is romanticized.  Still, there are so many memories and so many fantasies of what life could be like there, and with whom…people I’ve wanted to be with, people I miss, people I just realized I might never see again even though they’re in the same country as me.  Some people I’ve missed out on having real, transparent and unselfish conversations with through no fault other than my own.  How many times since I was a boy have I imagined taking the woman I marry to places that almost don’t exist anymore? 

It always seemed as if I remember a lot from when I was very young.  Tonight I realized how many remembrances have been forgotten, and I don’t even know when they stopped coming to mind.  So much to draw upon, so much to fuel my everyday living.  I don’t want to forget anymore!  

I don’t want to fear anymore.  I don’t want to be afraid to dream, to expect that the best is possible. 

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12 Responses to “”

  1. I wanted to watch that!
    You may not want to forget, but you also want to live for here, for now.  What amazing things are happening before us now!

  2. I just re-read what you posted and realized that I might have misread it.  Let’s continue this conversation later…

  3. i’ve been thinking about blood diamond too. val definitely put that movie on my radar!

  4. no, just sophomore year. two more to go…

  5. YES!! yesyesyeyesyesyesyesyes. it is…possible.

  6. I really have been wanting to watch that, this makes me want to watch it even more. The best…definitely possible!!!!

  7. Ah…so much regret when you have so much life ahead of you? 
    S, you are one of the coolest people I know and will do so much with your life to help with injustice, apathy, and ignorance.  I know this deep inside.
    Africa is one of those things I’m going to corner God about when I get to Heaven – if it’s still haunting me. 
    Love you -Slim Shady

  8. Hmm, wasn’t sure exactly what you we’re talking about that night. Draping your 40 pound leg over me didn’t helpmuch :/ (j/k). I guess i understand a little better now though. And that movie (all 30 minutes of it that I saw) wasn’tbad.

  9. Well, it’s not so much regret as realizing how much more hopeful I could be if I would just remember more of the inspiring things I’ve experienced.

  10. um, first of all, i think i may be scarred for life at the image provoked by richard’s comment.
    second of all, i totally relate to your post on so many levels.  different place (obviously as i’ve never even been to africa), but same cirumstances. don’t know if that makes sense

  11. Seems you’re caught in that transitional place between “What I thought life would look like” and “what life, in reality, looks like”. It can be disheartening. As I emerged on the other side I became ambitious about “making a difference to those I know”. No regrets.

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