It’s hard for me to get away from work, what with how many names of things in the “real world” have been stolen by the gazillions of technologies developed in the last decade or so.  Here are some examples of names of “real things” that have been commandeered by geeks.  If you try to look up info on java, you’ll be inundated with tons of results related to a programming language.  Struts just used to be something that architects and the like knew about.  The first result for tapestry on Google has nothing to do with any sort of woven material.  Try Googling any of these terms below and you’ll see what I mean! 


Java
Eclipse
Ant
Struts
Spring
Hibernate
Tomcat
Red Hat
Jakarta
Cactus
Oracle
Apache
Resin
LAMP
Turbine
Velocity
Watchdog
Tapestry
Maven
Ajax


I don’t use all of these, but I have used a majority at some point or another, and many of them are my bread and butter at the moment.  Technically, you could run across an application that required the use of just about all of them (minus one or two that are sort of mutually exclusive).  So, in case you can’t already tell, I do have some *light* days at work.  That’s why I decided to try to write a very short story using all of these names:


Few know the story of how the legendary Ajax journeyed to Jakarta in pursuit of the famed Apache resin.  Along the way, he was shipwrecked on the island of Java and lost every article of clothing save his red hat.  Fortunately the weather reminded him of spring back at home, so it was not too cold.  That night, he saw a lamp burning on a hill and when he drew near to investigate, he found a watchdog guarding a cave.  Before he even had to decide what to do, a voice inside invited him in, so he entered to see an old man offering him a tapestry to wrap around his body.  “I am the maven who rules this land, and my oracle told me of your presence.  You’re fortunate that you found me so soon, for tonight I shall begin to hibernate for 3 years, and tomorrow morning will be your only chance to go home.”  The sage placed a huge white ant in Ajax’s hat and lined the rim with cactus juice to keep it from getting out.  “At daybreak you must climb to the mountain’s peak where a giant turbine always turns and a dangerous guardian struts back and forth.”  So when the sun rose, Ajax reached the summit and saw a ferocious tomcat pacing back and forth beneath the turbine.  Soon the eclipse that the maven had told him about began, so he knew he had little time, and then suddenly the tomcat saw him and began charging.  He gingerly picked up the ant and flung it straight at the oncoming beast.  As the tomcat roared in pain upon being bitten and dug his teeth into the spot where the ant had landed, Ajax ran past and jumped into the trebuchet powered by the turbine.  The tomcat roared in anger and turned for him, but he pulled the lever and the powerful spring launched him at an incredible velocity into the highest reaches of the sky.  The only thing that saved him from getting burned by the sun was the eclipse.  Soon he saw his native country below him, so he unfolded the tapestry and glided down to safety just in time to join the boats headed for Troy (but he stopped by his house to pick up some more manly clothes first).


Um, this is more for me than for you.  Yes, this is the height of nerddom.  Gotta go now…gonna step out for a doctor’s appointment (thanks for the ref, Mindy). 

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10 Responses to “”

  1. cool

  2. It’s a whole other world out there in Computerland… a land to which I do not travel…

  3. It’s like you’re speaking Farsi or something.

  4. i tried, i really did, but alas i could not make it through. my eyes glazed over. i scrolled down to comment. and now here i am.

  5. i’ve thought about deleting this post…it was only a tribute to the free time plaguing my idle hands

  6. haha … can we be friends? in the face of your nerdom, mine doesn’t seem quite so bad …
    and my xanga’s an addicting source for vent-age … so i don’t think i’ll give it up anytime soon …

  7. Hey Stephen, I met you once or twice when I was in Houston over the summer and went to the Vineyard. Anyways, I thought the story was fun to read. It’s very creative!

  8. oh stephen………you make me smile. i love your xanga. how about you put kendra and daniel’s wedding on your calendar so that by God’s grace I will see you this upcoming summer!!! anyways, i will stop there because it is 5 in the morning and there is no possible way i will make any sense if i continue. these late night feedings are killing me softly!!
    p.s. where is john and how is he? it is a shame we all live in the same state and………well, i guess life happens. my love to john and his bride.

  9. You are a huge nerd.

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